Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
