She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
