if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize