they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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