So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
