have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
