Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
