I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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