my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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