took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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