garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
