just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
do herpes really smell.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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