I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
