Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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