i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
