perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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