Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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