Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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