Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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