guys are only as good as the porn they watch
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
ttyl tear gas
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
