omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize