Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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