Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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