Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
