I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize