I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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