What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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