trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
