she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
