My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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