Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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