you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
