I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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