i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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