Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
