I haven't been this sober since birth.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
