Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
