Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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