What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
