Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have feelings that need drinking.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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