I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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