Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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