I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
