I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
