spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
