i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
