Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
