i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
