I hate all girls vehemently.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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