I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
