I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize