At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
