I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
