He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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