I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
