i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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