just come out here and I will go home with you...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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