but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize