I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
