So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
