my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
