I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
