Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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