i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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