he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
