Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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