matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
