He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
