I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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