I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
