Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
